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If I were a prophet, I'd start with the big stuff first.
Not bury it in the middle of a huge book. So lets start things right. 
In the beginning...are the commandments. 
With commentary, to avoid misrepresentation later.


  1. am the lord thy god. (simple, eloquent, couldn't have put it better myself)
  2. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. (unless they claim to be my child, or me in human form. I also reserve the right to manifest as a spirit at random, but more on that later)
  3. Thou shalt have no graven images before me.( unless I come to earth in human form. An effigy of my demise is always a nice way of saying “ I love you god”)
  4. Thou shalt have no other gods before me ( yes, this includes material possessions as well. Seriously, polish that Ferrari one more time, and somethings getting smited. I mean it)
  5. Thou shalt not use my name in vain ( unless its bleeding. Profusely. I'm talking arterial spray patterns.)
  6. Remember the sabbath, and keep it holy(well, Saturday is just such a beautiful day to worship on. Maybe we could pencil it on for next Thursday?)
  7. Honor Thy father and thy mother ( unless they're on the Jerry springer show. Then all bets are off)
  8. Thou shalt not murder ( not even on my behalf. Seriously. I mean this one. I'm more than capable of decimating entire civilizations. If I want em dead. You really think I need your help?)
  9. Thou shalt not commit adultery (common sense. Violate this one, and the jealous husband may decide to violate number 8. its a vicious cycle)
  10. Though shalt not steal ( do I really need to cover the concept of personal property?)
  11. Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor ( lying is bad. That includes white lies, half truths, and other forms of bullshitting)
  12. Thou shalt not covet. ( who cares if he has a 120 inch plasma screen in his yacht? He probably broke some other commandment to get there....)


okay so I stole the originals from the judeo-christian point of view.....they haven't been updated in 10,000 years, and they seem to still hold true, so if it works, use it. Johnny Cash used to joke, he wished there were more commandments, cus he'd done broke all the first ten. There's exceptions to every rule. First rule of non-religion: there is NOTHING set in stone. Literally, and figuratively. Throughout this, I will try to preface what I believe, with just that: “ I believe”.i believe the will of god is flexible, and ever changing. No predetermined set of rules or laws can cover everything. And like the old adage: there's exceptions to every rule.

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